I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
