I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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