it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
