i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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