party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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