With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
