I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
