I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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