He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
