I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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