I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
