okay pat passed out under dana's car
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
