all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
