I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
