Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(626): View more from California

Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk

(678): View more from Georgia

discrete masterbation is a lost art

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(912): View more from Georgia

thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.

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(773): View more from Illinois

On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.

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