cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
