i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
