I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
