I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
