I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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