Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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