apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
