I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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