A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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