I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize