she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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