I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
