so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We're too hungover to prance.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize