I CAN MOONWALK!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
