I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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