Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
