then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she peed on how many people?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
