so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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