She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
