I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
