Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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