I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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