Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
