how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Too much gin, very little bucket
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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