went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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