Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize