I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
