it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
They have beer where we have blood.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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