Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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