I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
