What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
