How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize