I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
vagina is talking i cant
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
