I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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