I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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