maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
