I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
