I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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