Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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