She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize