Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
