it wasn't lemon gatorade
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
