Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
