weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
