You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
