if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
