we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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