if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
